


'Cause I'm Broken (When I'm Open)

by bisexual-killian-jones (aelover867)



Series: Captain Guyliner and the Savior [3]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, Tumblr Prompt, but not exactly that prompt, new roommate's best friend is obnoxious but also hot AU, was supposed to be a one shot but i am incapable of writing short stories apparently
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-15
Updated: 2014-11-26
Packaged: 2018-02-21 08:08:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2461034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aelover867/pseuds/bisexual-killian-jones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emma hated her brother's new best friend, Killian Jones. But who said that she had to hate fucking him? (Title from 'Broken' by Seether)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> iamspookygroot asked: can you do the new roommate's best friend is obnoxious but also hot one? With Killian being the hot best friend, if that wasn't obvious.
> 
> Based off of one of those many AU masterposts on Tumblr.
> 
> And sorry not sorry that this AU became smut.
> 
> Tumblr is swanshero, so send me questions or encouragement :)

“Do you like the way that feels, Swan?” Killian rasped out in that husky voice that made Emma fall apart, his teeth nipping at Emma’s ear lobe, taking in the small silver hoop earring and sucking gently. “Do you like the way I feel against you, love?”

Normally, Emma _hated_ it whenever he spoke. But when things were like this, when he was moving like _that_ , Emma needed to hear that lilted voice. She needed to hear that throaty Irish accent, needed to hear how she affected him when they were like this, pressed up against the door of his bedroom, far from any prying eyes.

Especially far from David, who would have beyond a conniption if he ever found out about their little arrangement.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Emma moaned out, tightening her legs around Killian’s hips as he rutted against her center, feeling his hardness through his jeans.

Killian chuckled as his mouth planted kisses down to her neck and _God_ did that do things to Emma. “How much do you want this? How _badly_ do you want me inside of you, love?”

Normally, Emma _hated_ the way he called her ‘love,’ as if she was all his when they both damn well knew that she was far from that. But _God_ she couldn’t get enough of it when they were in the midst of _this_ , the tango that only their two bodies knew.

“Stop taunting me, Jones,” Emma groaned out, digging her nails into Killian’s bare back, dragging them down the muscles she had traced so many times before.

Killian planted an open-mouthed kiss on her neck and Emma’s breathing became heavier and _holy hell_ she needed him now. “Patience is a virtue.”

Emma brought her mouth to Killian’s ear, nipping at it gently and reveling in the way Killian’s breathing hitched and how his hands gripped her thighs even tighter. “Fuck patience. Get inside me _now_.”

And there was that chuckle again as he whispered, “As you wish,” against Emma’s throat, pulling her from the door and gently tossing her onto his queen-sized bed, a bed that Emma had become _intimately_ familiar with.

Emma swiftly undid her buckle and Killian tugged her jeans off, throwing them across the room to God-knows-where, and slid two fingers past her black, lacy underwear (and no, she did _not_ wear them for him-they never dressed only for each other because that would mean there were feelings and complications and that means things would need to end) and into her warm heat.

“You are _so_ wet, darling,” Killian said, that predatory grin bright in the darkness of his room. “I think all of this sneaking around turns you on.”

Emma bit her bottom lip, digging her fingers into the sheets of his bed and gasping at the way Killian’s fingers moved inside of her, like he memorized the exact movements that made her gasp and writhe beneath him. “Jones, I swear to God-”

“Patience, love,” Killian said lowly, leaning down and pressing a kiss just above her belly button. “It’s been a while and I would like to take my time.”

And that was no good for Emma. No, taking time means making love and that means feelings and that means broken rules and no more arrangement and no more seeing Killian move above her and making her see God.

“ _Please_ ,” Emma pleaded and she hated it whenever she begged, but God dammit, she needed him now. Even if it had only been three days since their last meeting.

Killian smirked that deadly smile and pulled his fingers from her wetness, slowly sticking them into his mouth and sucking on them, making a show for her because that asshole knew how much that turned her on. Without taking his eyes off of Emma, Killian reached over to the nightstand beside Emma’s head and reached inside the top drawer, grabbing a condom (because that was the number one rule of their arrangement). Emma sat up, pushing down Killian’s boxer briefs, springing his hard length free. She took him in her hand, gently pumping him as he ripped open the wrapper. Emma smirked as she heard his hard breathing and nibbled on her bottom lip when he met eyes with her, his dark blue meeting her dark jade.

God, she couldn’t get enough of that hungry gaze.

Killian rolled the condom on, his gaze not leaving hers. Emma should’ve been shaken by the intimacy of the moment, but it didn’t bother her.

And that should’ve fucking terrified her.

“Turn around, love,” Killian growled as he fit the condom over his length and it sent shivers down Emma’s spine.

Emma bit her bottom lip as she turned around, propping herself on her hands and knees. She felt Killian shift behind her, his erection nudging at her entrance, continuing to tease her like it was his sole purpose in life. Emma gripped the sheets in her hands tightly, preparing herself for the pounding she knew was coming.

“How badly do you want this, Swan?” Killian groaned out as his tip entered her, Emma gasping from the intrusion. “How badly do you want me fucking you?”

Emma moaned at his accent, rough and thick with desire, and pushed her hips back toward him, his thick cock filling her more and _Jesus Christ_ she needed more. “You already know the answer to that.”

Killian chuckled and it made Emma shake with anticipation. “I want to hear you say it.”

Emma gulped and felt her breathing get heavier at his voice, filled with lust and _want_. “I want you inside of me now, Jones.”

Killian clicked his tongue at Emma, nudging a little further inside and Emma gasped, gripping the sheets even tighter. “You didn’t say the magic word.”

“ _Please_ ,” Emma rasped out, shocked at how her own voice sounded.

Killian chuckled darkly and thrust his full length inside of her, not even allowing time for her to adjust before pulling out and slamming back into Emma. Emma moaned, arching her back to allow Killian to fill her deeper and biting into a pillow to muffle her sounds, not wanting to alarm any neighbors, which was much easier said than done.

“Let go of the pillow. I want to hear you,” Killian grunted out, his fingers digging into Emma’s hips as he pulled her closer to him, his cock filling her deeper.

His hips bucked against hers and Emma released the pillow from her mouth, moaning into the empty bedroom. Killian’s hands tightened around her hips, telling Emma that he was just as affected by her sounds as she was by the sounds of skin slapping against skin and his low groaning.

“Touch yourself for me,” Killian said, his voice raspy and thick with lust and _God_ Emma loved it when he sounded like that.

Emma reached down her sweat-slicked body and found her bundle of nerves, gently rubbing against it in time with Killian’s strong thrusts. Emma didn’t realize how close she was until she was touching herself, but now she could feel her climax building, slowly but surely. Emma tightened herself around Killian’s cock and he moaned loudly in response, causing him to start thrusting faster.

_Oh God_ , Emma could feel the climax barreling toward her.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Emma keened, her universal sign for being close to that golden-tipped peak.

“Come for me,” Killian asked-well, more like _begged_ , as his left hand released Emma’s hip and wrapped itself around Emma’s hair.

Damn Killian for knowing exactly what Emma needed to find her release.

Emma came hard around Killian’s cock, tightening around him and gasping for air. Killian tugged harder on Emma’s long, blonde tresses and Emma clawed at the bed below her, trying to keep herself from flying in the ecstasy she was feeling.

“I’m getting close,” Killian groaned out.

Emma looked over her shoulder as she came down from her high and saw Killian with his head thrown back, his eyes shut tightly as his thrusts quickened, chasing his own release. She couldn’t get enough of how he looked when he was on the cusp of coming, just right on the edge. She could tell that Killian was holding back while Emma rode her climax; their arrangement may not be entirely proper, but Killian always made sure Emma finished first.

Killian looked back down at met eyes with Emma, not even a hint of blue showing, his eyes dark with desire. Emma nibbled on her bottom lip as her hips met thrust for thrust with Killian’s and Killian’s hand tightened in her hair. Emma continued bucking her hips back toward Killian and she saw him close his eyes again, telling Emma that he was right there.

Emma pushed her hips one last time against his and she heard him gasp and curse over and over again as his seed spilled into the condom. Emma collapsed her head on the pillow below her as Killian released her hips and gently pulled out of her warm heat. Emma gasped at the sudden emptiness and cold that filled her as Killian moved off of the bed and over to the trash can by the door. Emma flipped over and sat on the bed, admiring the view she had of Killian’s bare ass (she couldn’t stop herself-that man was attractive and it was unfair).

“See something you like, Swan?” Killian asked, his voice still gravelly from their activities.

“You damn well know that I do,” Emma responded, smirking as Killian looked over his shoulder at her.

Emma quickly moved from the bed, gathering her things from the floor (and how the hell did her bra land over there?) and quickly getting dressed. Since their activities were over, Emma had to head out, according to the rules of their arrangement (can’t spend time alone together if they aren’t fucking).

“What’s your story this time?” Killian asked as he walked over to his dresser and grabbed a pair of gray sweatpants.

“Library,” Emma responded, buttoning her jeans and doing her buckle. “As always.”

Killian chuckled, which did things to Emma (even when they weren’t fucking, her body betrayed her attraction to him-even if she hated his guts).

(That’s the entire reason why they made this arrangement in the first place).

“Better make sure you keep those grades up then. If you start failing, David’s gonna get curious,” Killian said, that smirk on his face.

Emma rolled her eyes as she pulled her white t-shirt on over her head. “My grades are fine, thank you very much. I’ll see you around, Jones.”

“See ya, Swan,” Killian responded as Emma walked out of the bedroom and into the living area, finding her black boots and slipping them on. “Until next time.”

Emma glanced up and smiled. “Until next time.”

<> 

“’Bout time you got home,” David called from the couch as Emma shut the door behind her, making her freeze in place. She wasn’t expecting David to be home when she returned from her rendezvous with Killian; she was expecting David to be over at Mary Margaret’s apartment, just as he always was nowadays. “I was about to go over to the library myself and look for you.”

Emma furrowed her eyebrows as she dropped her purse on the kitchen counter. “How’d you know I was at the library?”

“Aren’t you always at the library?” David asked, looking over his shoulder from the couch.

Emma shrugged.

If he only knew.

“I got homework to do. I can’t do shit here ‘cause you and Mary Margaret are nauseating,” Emma responded truthfully, walking over to the couch and plopping beside her brother (he may not be blood, but he is her brother).

David rolled his eyes as he looked back to his football. “Oh shut up, we’re adorable.”

Emma rolled her eyes in response (and this is why people actually think they’re related).

“So, what do you wanna do tonight?” Emma asked David, curling her legs up to her on the couch.

David shrugged. “I dunno. Killian’s got plans with other people.”

Emma stifled a chuckle because _she_ was the other people.

But she did chuckle at the sound of envy in her brother’s tone.

“Are you _jealous_?” Emma asked, taunting her roommate.

David huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. “No.

And Emma cackled loudly into the small apartment. “What, is little David jealous that Killy has friends?”

David furrowed his eyebrows as he looked over at Emma. “Killy? You always call him ‘Jones’ or ‘douchebag.’”

Emma shrugged nonchalantly (she still had never called Killian by his first name-that would mean she actually _cared_ ). “What? I know his name. I’m not an idiot. And, you forgot a name: ‘asshole.’”

“Ah yes. My mistake,” David joked, laughing under his breath. “And you shouldn’t curse; it isn’t ladylike.”

“Fuck you, I’m not ladylike anyways,” Emma responded as she pushed herself off of the couch, walking toward the bathroom. “I’m taking a shower. Order some pizza while I’m in there. I’m starving.”

She _did_ burn a lot of calories that day.

As Emma stepped into the shower, letting the hot water trickle down her back to wash away the sweat and secrets of her tryst with Killian. This had been her routine for the past month, whenever her and Killian met up and had their way with each other. Usually, David was gone whenever she returned and that made things easier. She was always a little nervous that David would be able to smell the sex on her.

He’d done it before.

Emma wasn’t lying when David would have a royal freak out if he ever found out about the two of them being fuck buddies. For all David knew, Emma hated Killian with a burning passion. For all David knew, Emma still thought of his best friend as one of the most obnoxious people she had ever met. For all David knew, Emma couldn’t stand to be around Killian.

And for the most part it was true. Emma _did_ still hate Killian. But, she just liked fucking him too.

It had all started at David’s birthday celebration, where they all sat at a nearby bar and got unbelievably shit-faced. Mary Margaret, ever the responsible one, took David home after his tenth shot of Fireball and that left Killian and Emma together at the bar, only surrounded by strangers. Emma was drunk enough where she wasn’t bothered by Killian’s quips and innuendos; in fact, they had only turned her on.

So when Killian had invited her for a cup of coffee at a diner down the street, in her drunken stupor, Emma gladly said yes . They sat together, drinking black-as-their-soul coffee, and just talked. Of course, Emma hadn’t really paid too much attention to what Killian was saying-she was too entranced by his too-blue eyes and his ginger beard and his black-as-night hair. That’s why she couldn’t stop herself from kissing him deeply, right there in the diner.

And, well, it only took another ten minutes before they were in Emma’s apartment ( _thankfully_ Mary Margaret had taken David to her own place) and plopping into her bed, fucking into oblivion. And when Emma awoke in the morning, remembering everything from the past night, she decided that this was something that she did _not_ want to live without. So, she proposed the arrangement to Killian and he promptly accepted it with a promise of a second round before David returned to the apartment.

And that was how it was: Killian coming over when David was at Mary Margaret’s place (which was a lot) and Emma going over to Killian’s apartment whenever David decided to have his fiancée over to their place.

Nothing could possibly go wrong with it.

If only Emma knew.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Why do you think you know me?" Emma asked, slightly unnerved by the idea that this man-this man who she had unknowingly began to care for during their time together-knew her and possibly had the power to utterly break her.
> 
> "You're something of an open book, love," Killian responded simply, lifting the glass to his mouth and throwing back the last of his rum.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the reviews and kudos :) I'm so glad so many of you are enjoying the story. I have one more part after this chapter (which I am almost done with), so I hope you enjoy this chapter :)

“Knocked boots with the hot friend yet?” Ruby asked.

Emma choked on her water, earning her judgmental stares from other patrons at the diner (the very same diner that lead to those passionate activities with Killian), Mary Margaret smacked her friend’s arm.

(Emma blushed whenever she looked over at the bar.)

“Ruby!” Mary Margaret hissed.

Ruby shrugged nonchalantly. “What? It’s a simple question.”

“In case you have forgotten, Emma hates him,” Mary Margaret replied, going back to her grilled chicken salad.

Ruby rolled her eyes and looked across the table at Emma. “And? That doesn’t mean anything.”

Emma pursed her lips at Ruby.

“What? I’m not being insane,” Ruby responded to Emma’s look, crossing her arms on the table. “He’s extremely hot, so come on Emma.”

“Ruby, you have a boyfriend, remember?” Mary Margaret scolded her best friend, side-eyeing her.

Ruby looked over at Mary Margaret and raised an eyebrow. “I’m not gonna fuck him, Mary Margaret. But, I’m not blind. I’m just saying that our sweet Emma needs to get laid.”

Emma rolled her eyes. Her sex life was a usual topic of conversation with Ruby during their weekly lunches. Before the arrangement came around, Emma hadn’t had sex in _months_ , not since the hot mess of a relationship with Walsh (was dating for two weeks even a relationship?). And well now, Emma could think of last night, remembering the sight of Killian pounding into her on the kitchen table and feeling the beard burn on her chest. It had been officially two and a half months of the arrangement being made, and it couldn’t be going better.

Well, except for that stupid feeling she got in her gut whenever Killian texted her or whenever she saw him or whenever he looked at her with those blue eyes.

No, the arrangement was going perfectly. She was _not_ developing feelings. Emma didn’t _do_ feelings. And Killian seemed better than ever. So no, she wasn’t going to be the one ruining this, like she ruined everything else.

“Can we not discuss this?” Emma asked under her breath, grumbling at Ruby as she picked at her fries, pulling herself from the memories of last night.

Ruby furrowed her eyebrows as she tilted her head to the side, like a curious dog. “You aren’t defending yourself. Whenever I ask about getting laid, you always freak out.” Ruby’s jaw dropped and she leaned forward in her chair excitedly. “You _are_ fucking someone, aren’t you?!”

“ _Ruby_ ,” Emma hissed at her friend as patrons all around their table stared. They were gonna get kicked out of the diner because _somebody_ didn’t know how to control the volume of their voice.

“What?” Ruby shrugged, scooting her chair closer to the table. “Now, spill.”

Emma pursed her lips at Ruby. “There’s nothing to spill.”

“Ruby, just leave it,” Mary Margaret asked, swallowing her final bite of her salad. “Emma doesn’t have to say anything.”

“Thank you, Mary Margaret,” Emma said to her other close friend, crossing her arms over her chest as she relaxed in her chair.

“Oh, you two are no fun,” Ruby mumbled as she slurped on her chocolate milkshake.

Emma rolled her eyes as her phone chimed loudly in her pocket. As she looked at the bright screen of her smartphone, her stomach did that stupid flip.

**Him: come over. I need you.**

Emma cleared her throat as the butterflies threatened to come up and looked at her friends. “Gotta run. I need to go to the library.”

Ruby groaned and allowed her head to fall back. “You are _always_ at the library.”

“I’m in law school, Ruby,” Emma responded as she stood from her chair, grabbing her red leather jacket and shrugging it on over her black, button-down, blouse. “I have to actually study and all of that. I’ll see you two later.”

“I bet she’s seeing the guy she’s fucking,” Ruby mumbled under her breath as Emma walked toward the exit of the diner.

Emma left the diner without another word, hurrying out the door to find a taxi nearby. Emma could already feel wetness pooling down below, as if her body already knew where she was going. It probably didn’t help that she couldn’t stop thinking of the way Killian moves his hips against her or the way his accent strengthened in the midst of their trysts.

It only took Emma five minutes to arrive at Killian’s apartment. She didn’t waste any time by knocking on the door, just entering the apartment like she had all of those times before.

Emma smirked as she turned to the living area, tossing her purse onto the kitchen counter. “Need me again so soon?”

“Emma,” Killian said in a low voice from his spot from the couch.

Emma furrowed her eyebrows, slightly concerned at his tone of voice. Emma stepped closer to the sofa, away from the kitchen area, and noticed that Killian was nursing a tumbler full of an amber liquid. No doubt rum, that being his alcohol of choice. But, it was more curious than usual since it was only two in the afternoon.

“Jones?” Emma questioned as she slowly rounded the sofa.

There she saw Killian with red-rimmed eyes.

Oh shit.

“Oh my God, what’s wrong?” Emma asked, sitting beside Killian and keeping her gaze on his distraught face.

“Nothing’s wrong, Swan. I’m fine,” Killian replied numbly.

“Horseshit,” Emma retorted immediately. “It’s two in the afternoon and you are drinking a full glass of rum. I can tell you’ve been crying. What’s wrong?”

Killian looked over at Emma and she was taken aback by the vulnerability and pain in his eyes. What the hell happened during the sixteen hours she wasn’t with him? She knew she shouldn’t care about what was wrong, that all that should matter is just getting into bed and letting him forget whatever was bothering him, but Emma couldn’t ignore the feeling in her stomach that she needed to know what was going on.

“Killian, _please_ ,” Emma whispered and that’s what caused Killian to give in: hearing Emma say his name for the first time, _finally_.

“I got a call from my brother,” Killian said, trailing his finger along the rim of his glass.

Brother?

Jesus, Emma really didn’t know _anything_ about Killian.

“He still lives over in Ireland, where I was raised,” Killian continued on, then sipped on his rum, wincing as it trails down his throat. “He called me and told me that my father was found on the side of a road, a victim of a hit and run.”

Emma gasped. “Oh my God.”

“Apparently he had been walking along the side of the road, drunk of course, when a car side-swiped him. No one knows how long he was there or if he died immediately or anything. But Liam’s a cop over there and he’s gonna look into it, even if I told him that it didn’t matter.” Killian’s lips pressed into a thin line as he looked down into the depths of his rum. “And the kicker is, is that he left us when I was seven. My mother got sick and _he_ was the one who couldn’t handle it. So he left. I haven’t seen him since that night and I’m still crying over that bastard’s death. He didn’t do anything for me or Liam or my mother and I’m still mourning him, as if he meant something to me. All he was was a bloody bastard, and yet I am drinking away the pain.”

Emma didn’t know what to say. She had gone through life not knowing what family was like. Killian had a family and it had turned on him. He had been left behind, just as Emma had with so many foster families, before Ruth took her in at the tender age of sixteen. Emma wanted to ignore her instinct to help him, but she couldn’t do it. Emma _cared_ in this moment, as she watched Killian struggling with his conflicting emotions about his deadbeat dad.

“I bet this isn’t what you were expecting when you came over,” Killian muttered, that self-deprecating smile on his face that Emma had come to know, and sipped on his rum. “I’ll understand if you want to leave, seeing as this breaks the rules of our arrangement.”

Emma found herself immediately shaking her head in response, before she even knew what she was doing. “No. No, I’ll stay.”

Emma looked up at Killian’s blue eyes and _God_ she was fucked. “But, why me? Why not David?”

Killian sighed and looked down at his glass as he swirled the liquid gently. “You brother is my friend, but he’s far too optimistic. When I told him about how my father left, he wanted me to mend things with him.” Killian looked up at Emma and smiled weakly. “I know enough about you to know that you’ll understand when I say that I don’t want anything to do with a man who abandoned my family in our greatest time of need.”

“Why do you think you know me?” Emma asked, slightly unnerved by the idea that this man-this man who she had unknowingly began to care for during their time together-knew her and possibly had the power to utterly break her.

“You’re something of an open book, love,” Killian responded simply, lifting the glass to his mouth and throwing back the last of his rum.

Emma looked away from his intense gaze, not wanting to give anything else away about her undesirable past, because surely he wouldn’t want anything to do with her if he knew everything.

“Now, if I do recall correctly,” Killian said as he slid his empty glass onto his coffee table in front of him and Emma looked back up at him, looking at that smile on his face that had been glaringly absent when she first came in, “ _The Princess Bride_ is on TV right now and David mentioned that it’s one of your favorite movies.”

Emma snorted and rolled her eyes as she situated herself deeper into the couch, her arm barely brushing Killian’s but still lighting a fire within her by the small contact. “Of course he did. Gonna turn it on, Jones?”

Killian smiled that signature smirk as he reached for his remote. “And there she is.”

<> 

And that’s when things began to change.

After Emma returned home from being with Killian (and notably _not_ having sex with him), she knew things would change. And she was completely correct. After that day, their meet-ups weren’t entirely about sex. They’d order pizza or watch a movie, but they’d still inevitably fall into the sack.

It should’ve terrified her.

But it didn’t.

Well, not at first.

When it all began to change, Emma thought that things could be easy and simple. She could see herself becoming friends with Killian, which would finally bring peace to David’s life. Emma could imagine David’s joy when Killian and her _finally_ got along in David’s presence.

But that’s when things got too real for her. She remained terrified of letting Killian in too close because everyone left (they always left). But she kept that all hidden away, under lock-and-key, and allowed the arrangement to continue. She could tell that Killian wasn’t feelings these stupid emotions that Emma was, so she couldn’t cut it off without the blame being placed on her.

(Everything was always her fault).

No, she wouldn’t stop this because of her stupid feelings. She’d get through it. She’ll forget about the stupid way butterflies fill her stomach every time she receives a simple text from Killian or how she would dream disgustingly domestic dreams about him.

She wasn’t one to back down from anything.

<> 

“ _God, Emma_ ,” Killian panted out, tangling his fingers in Emma’s hair as she slowly bobbed her head up and down his shaft, twirling her tongue around the silky smooth skin.

She’d been going at it for the past fifteen minutes, just listening to his soft moans and whispers of encouragement. She would never admit it to him, but Emma _loved_ the way he sounded when she went down on him, taking his entire length into her mouth. It was music to her ears, the way his breath hitched when her nose brushed the gentle black curls at the base of his cock and how he groaned when Emma trailed her tongue up the underside of his shaft.

But what really did it for her was when he would look down at her, their eyes meeting as she sucked him dry. His blue eyes were blown black with lust and _God_ Emma wanted to just straddle him right then and there, riding him into oblivion.

But no. She wanted to hear him.

“Emma,” Killian spoke up, his voice a little clearer. “Swan, I’m getting close.”

And all Emma did in response was open her throat and take him into her mouth all of the way. She would’ve smirked at the way Killian let loose a string of curses, but her mouth was otherwise occupied. Emma glanced up and saw Killian’s Adam’s apple bob up and down as he gulped back a groan.

“ _Emma_ , love,” Killian whispered out as his hand moved from her hair to her shoulder. “I don’t want to come like this.”

Emma released Killian’s cock from her mouth, looking up at his utterly _wrecked_ face. “Well, what do you wanna do then, Jones?”

Killian looked back down at Emma and wrapped his hand around Emma’s arm, helping her crawl back up his body and lay beside him. She couldn’t even get a breath in before Killian laid himself on top of her and kissed her, tracing his tongue along her bottom lip. Emma clutched Killian’s upper arms as his tongue swept into her mouth, tangling with hers in a way only they knew. Killian pressed his lips down Emma’s jaw, down to her neck, where he planted open-mouthed kisses in that spot that made Emma dizzy. Killian’s hips pressed down on Emma’s, where she could feel his hardness against her soaked underwear.

“ _Killian_ ,” Emma whined out, _needing_ him elsewhere.

Killian chuckled into her neck as he reached into his nightstand, finding a condom after some rustling around. “So bloody impatient.”

Emma snorted as Killian leaned back to slide the condom over his length. “You love it.”

Emma hadn’t realized she said it until something passed over Killian’s eyes. She couldn’t describe what it was, but something was there that wasn’t there before. She wanted to kick herself, to punch herself in the face, for saying something so _stupid_ and _dumb_ and _God she was an idiot_. Killian stared at her as he removed her blue, lacy panties, itching them down her legs and flinging them to the other side of the room.

Killian laid back down over her, holding himself up on his elbows on either side of her, and pressed a kiss to her neck. “Maybe I do.”

_God_ , he had said it so quietly that it could’ve been his thoughts. Emma could feel the panic rising inside of her chest, begging her and screaming at her to run, even if they were both nearly naked and she needed him inside of her, to make her see stars like he had all of those times before.

Emma cleared her throat, trying to even her breathing as Killian continued to kiss her neck. “So, how do you want to do this? Doggy style, me on top? What?”

Killian pulled away from her neck and looked down at her with those eyes and God Emma was so far gone with this man. “How about just like this?”

_No,_ no, they couldn’t have sex like this. Not when she could look straight in his eyes and see _everything_. No, that wouldn’t be good. Having sex like this means feelings and broken hearts and _shit_ Emma’s heart is already half-broken because she knows this can’t last, not when she’s caught feelings and _God_ she’s an idiot.

Killian noticed the sheer panic in Emma’s eyes and trailed his fingers down the side of her head in a soothing gesture that made Emma’s heart pound (not in the way she wanted it). “What’s wrong?”

Emma shook her head and lied straight through her teeth. “Nothing. I’m fine.”

Killian tilted his head to the side, like the puppy he was. “Emma-”

“Come on, Jones,” Emma interrupted, wrapping her legs around his hip and urging him forward, just needing him there and wanting to forget about her stupid feelings for a while. “Less talking, more fucking.”

Another emotion crossed Killian’s face-was it disappointment? No, that couldn’t be it. Why would he be upset that Emma just wanted to have sex? That’s all they had been for the past three months. So, what’s different now?

Emma couldn’t question it any longer as Killian plunged himself inside of her. They groaned in unison as Emma stretched deliciously around Killian’s cock. _This_ is what Emma needed: the feel of Killian inside of her. _This_ is what she needed to forget her stupid emotions and feelings about Killian because feelings never did anyone any good. Feelings just fuck everything up. Emma didn’t do feelings, but just like so many things, that changed when she fell into bed with Killian fucking Jones.

“ _Gods_ , Emma,” Killian moaned out into her ear, sending shivers down her spine. “You feel so bloody good.”

“Move,” Emma growled out, which was more of a whine than a growl as Killian slowly thrust his hips against Emma’s.

“As you wish, love,” Killian whispered against her lips, swiping his tongue along her bottom lip and gently sucking it into his mouth.

And Emma couldn’t hold back the moan that she released, which allowed Killian to deepen the kiss, sweeping his tongue into the cavern of her mouth and twirling it with her own tongue. Emma’s hands went up to his back, digging her fingernails into the expanse of his muscular back. Killian growled as her fingernails dragged down his back, making her blood sizzle with desire and lust and she needed more from him.

Emma tightened her legs around Killian’s hip as he began thrusting against her, the drag of his cock inside of her making Emma go insane. Her moans fill the room, getting louder with each slow thrust of his hips against hers. Emma needed _more_ , not just this slow drag, not this _love-making_.

Oh God. This was making love. Killian was _making love_ to her.

“Faster,” Emma moaned out after a particularly deep thrust, her nails dragging down Killian’s back again.

“What’s the hurry, Swan?” Killian groaned against Emma’s neck as he pressed kisses down her jaw and to that spot where her neck met her shoulder. “You seem to be enjoying yourself.”

“Killian, _please_ ,” Emma keened, her mind unable to process the fact that she called him Killian during their adventure in the sack. _God_ , she was so fucked.

But, Killian noticed the slip of her tongue. Killian pulled away from his spot on her neck and looked down at her as his hips picked up speed, bucking against her in a rhythm that was making Emma see God and Jesus and Moses and probably Allah. Emma shut her eyes to savor the feel of Killian against her, but she also couldn’t dare herself to meet eyes with his. She knew what he’d look like as he stared at her and she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t look at him when they were _making love_.

“Emma, love,” Killian gasped out, clearly chasing his release. “Emma, look at me.”

And Emma couldn’t stop the flood of emotion that came out at the sound of his voice. God, he sounded so _loving_ and _caring_ and Emma couldn’t do it. Emma bit her bottom lip and shook her head, feeling her throat grow thick with the emotions she wanted to just disappear.

“My love, please,” Killian whispered and Emma’s heart broke because she knew this had to end. This would have to be the last time they could sleep together. Because she couldn’t risk falling in love and giving him the power to completely shatter her.

But dammit, Emma opened her eyes to find those dark blue, gentle eyes of Killian’s staring down at her. And she could see the love swimming in his eyes. For a second, Emma could see a glimpse of a future: a little boy with blonde hair and dark blue eyes, a little girl with pitch black hair and jade eyes. She could see her growing old, sitting on the front porch of an old Victorian house with this man at her side. And for the first time in her life, Emma _wanted_ a life like that.

(Even when she was with Neal, she didn’t feel the need for a family, for an eternal love.)

( _God_ , what had this man done to her?)

Emma shook her head. “Stop.”

It wasn’t a moment later that Killian pulled out, very attentive to her emotions and everything that she says (he always was). He leaned back, sitting on his legs, as he furrowed his eyebrows at Emma. “What’s wrong?”

Emma continued shaking her head, pulling her legs from either side of Killian and crawled off the bed, gathering her clothes from the hardwood floor of his bedroom. “I can’t do this.”

Emma could feel her hands beginning to shake and the tears sprouting behind her eyes because she was so happy and she could possibly be in love with him, but nothing good ever stays and everyone leaves and Emma had to leave before Killian had the opportunity to. Because Emma knew that Killian would leave her when things got rough, just like everybody else had.

“Emma, please, talk to me,” Killian pleaded from his spot on the bed.

All Emma did was shake her head in response and tugged on her underwear and jeans. She couldn’t look back at him because she knew that she’d break and _no_ , she wasn’t going to do that. She just needed to get the fuck out of that apartment because she needed to be in her own bedroom so she could cry over the lost possibility of a future with Killian.

“Love, _look at me_ ,” Killian urged, his voice full of worry and concern and Emma knew that he couldn’t actually be concerned for her. He probably didn’t even feel the things that Emma had begun to feel. No, he couldn’t be worried.

Emma sighed and turned around as she clasped her bra on. And _God_ , she broke when she saw Killian’s eyes pleading with her, trying to get her to stay, to talk to him. Tears slipped over onto her cheeks and trailed down her flushed skin. She could tell that Killian wanted to stand up and wipe the tears from her cheeks, but he thought better of it.

“I can’t do this,” Emma repeated, her voice thick with her tears. “I can’t keep doing this. The arrangement is off.”

“Why? Because you have feelings for me now?” Killian asked and Emma could almost hear the pain in his voice. “Is that such a horrible fate, Emma?”

Emma shook her head as she nibbled on her bottom lip, pulling on her t-shirt and feelings more tears streaking down her face. She turned and marched out of the room, leaving Killian on his bed.

“Love, wait!” Killian called after her, pausing to grab a pair of sweatpants.

Emma had reached the living room when Killian’s hand grasped her wrist. He pulled her around to face him and Emma couldn’t handle the look in his eyes. It was as if he wanted this- _them_ -and was willing to screw the arrangement and just try a relationship.

“Emma, _please_ ,” Killian begged again. “Talk to me.”

“Killian, I’m no good for you,” Emma said, shaking her head and yanking her hand from Killian’s grasp, frantically wiping away tears even as they continued to fall. “I’m damaged goods. I’m just leaving so you can go on with your life and not deal with the stupid girl who decided to catch feelings.” Emma nibbled on her lip as she looked up at the ceiling. “It’s all my fucking fault.”

“Stop talking like that,” Killian replied, wanting to shake some sense into Emma. “Just please stay so we can talk and figure things out. Please, my love.”

Emma shut her eyes as she turned to slide on her shoes, feeling the urge to sob building up inside of her. If she was lucky, she’d be able to make it to her apartment before the dams broke.

“I can’t. I’m sorry,” Emma whimpered out as she grabbed her purse from the kitchen counter and marched out of the door.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (A voice murmured not to trust him.)  
> (The other cheered to give him a chance.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everybody for your kudos and reviews :) I hope you all enjoyed it! This is the FINAL chapter, unless I decide to do some sort of epilogue another day.

Emma sobbed her entire way home. She didn’t care that she kept receiving very judgmental looks from the cab driver and anyone who saw her on the streets. But she couldn’t help herself. Her heart was broken because she was stupid enough to catch feelings for Killian, because she was the one who made up the arrangement in the first place and this was all her fucking fault.

She could only ever blame herself.

From foster families not wanting to keep her to Neal leaving her in the middle of the night while she slept, Emma only could be at fault.

Emma cried as she climbed the staircase the three flights to her apartment that she shared with David. She sincerely hoped that David was over at Mary Margaret’s today because she did _not_ want to deal with her overbearing older brother.

But, today just was _not_ going her way.

“What’s wrong?” David called from the sofa as soon as Emma walked into the living area.

And the tears that had ceased for the time being came rushing back full force and a sob broke through Emma. She was too distracted to notice that David rushed off of the couch and walked over to her, wrapping her in his arms as she cried. He didn’t say anything, only allowing her tears to soak his t-shirt and her snot to run on his arm as he placed his hand on the back of her head, just as he always had whenever he hugged her.

“Do I need to beat up someone?” David asked as Emma’s tears slowed to a halt.

Emma snorted. “Shut up.”

David pulled away, but kept his large hands on Emma’s shoulders. He looked down at his sister and smiled weakly. “What happened?”

Emma gulped and shook her head, looking down to the ground. “I don’t know if I should tell you.”

“Come on, Ems,” David responded, his thumbs stroking her shoulders. “You tell me everything.” Emma nibbled on her bottom lip as she looked back up to her brother. David furrowed his eyebrows and said, “I know that look. You _really_ don’t think I’m gonna like this.”

Emma smiled wryly, wiping away the dried tracks of her tears. David sighed and placed his arm over Emma’s shoulder, leading her back to the couch, where they sat together in silence while Emma gathered her thoughts. She was sure that David was going to get up from this couch and go over to Killian’s apartment to punch him right in the face after he’s done hearing about this, even though the entire arrangement was Emma’s idea.

“Any time would be great, Emma,” David said, smiling at her from his spot on the couch to the right of her.

Emma sighed and stared up at the ceiling, unable to look David in the eye when she revealed that she had indeed been fucking his best friend for the past three months and just broke it off because she may be in love with said best friend. Tears began trailing down her cheeks again and she hated that she was so broken by this stupid…whatever it was. It wasn’t like they were even ever officially together. So why couldn’t Emma stop crying?

“So, um, I don’t even know how to begin,” Emma said simply. She really didn’t know how to go about this confession.

 “Just say it,” David replied, tapping his fingers on the leather of the couch.

Emma took a deep breath as she looked down to her tangled fingers in her lap. “So, this guy and I have sorta been…hooking up for the past three months.”

Emma looked up at her brother, who continued to have a neutral face. “Meaning-”

David raised a hand to stop Emma from continuing on. “I know what you mean. I don’t need to hear it.”

Emma sniffled and with her throat thick, she said, “Right. And all this thing was, was just sex.”

David shut his eyes. “I didn’t need to hear that.”

Emma sniffled again and rolled her eyes. “Anyways, that’s all it’s been. But a few weeks ago, his father died and things changed between us. We started eating dinner at his place and watching a movie, but would eventually lead to-”

“For the love of God, Emma, please don’t say it again,” David said, leaning his head against the back of the couch. “I can’t handle the mental picture.”

Emma rolled her eyes again. “Fine. But you know what I’m saying. And well today”-Emma’s throat grew thick as tears built up behind her eyes again-“I broke it off because I have feelings for him and I don’t know how he feels, but I just can’t do it anymore because I don’t do feelings or relationships and I can’t risk getting my heart broken again. Everyone leaves me eventually, so I did the leaving first so I wouldn’t get hurt, but I still ended up getting hurt and it’s so _stupid_ because I was trying to protect myself and that obviously didn’t work ‘cause I’m still crying my fucking eyes out because I’m such an _idiot_ and-”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” David said, stopping Emma’s ranting, which she was thankful for because she didn’t even know where she was going with that. David resituated himself in his spot, angling his body toward Emma from her left. “Did you just say ‘everybody leaves?’ Because I’m pretty sure that I’ve proven that to be false. Mary Margaret has proven it to be false. There’s Ruby and Mulan and Aurora and Graham and, hell, even Killian hasn’t left ‘cause he actually likes you, regardless of how you treat him.”

At the mention of Killian, tears broke through Emma’s defenses and Emma tried to retain the sob building inside of her chest.She wanted to hide the fact that she had begun crying again, but David was ever perceptive of her and noticed the new tears streaking down her face.

And that’s when he figured it all out.

“It was Killian,” David stated simply, as though it was completely obvious (which it sorta was since Emma had such a strong reaction to just his name). “You’ve been having sex with Killian for the past three months.”

Emma nibbled on her bottom lip as she looked back to her lap, nervously twisted her hands together. “Yes. Ever since your birthday party.”

“I should kick his ass,” David replied and Emma looked back up to see him clearly distressed by the news that his best friend and his younger sister had been fucking behind his back for such a long period of time.

Emma shook her head wildly. “No. It was completely my idea. If you’re angry, yell at me. Actually, it may make me feel better because then I’d realize that my feelings are stupid and they need to stop.”

David shook his head, looking down at his hand as it traces the lining of his jeans. “No. No, I won’t because you’ve been better for the past three months than you have been since Neal left.”

Emma gulped. “What?”

David looked back up. He was obviously still struggling with the news, but Emma could see that he was trying to help her through her distress. Just as he always had, ever since she moved in with him and his mother when she was only sixteen.

“I want to kick his ass. I’m struggling with that right now because he’s my best friend and you’re my sister and I just can’t handle it,” David responded bluntly and Emma deflated, but David continued on. “But, I’ve noticed that you’ve been happier. And now that I think about it, it all started the day after the party. Killian’s been happier too, because when I first met him, he wasn’t exactly the nicest guy. He’s had his fair share of pain in his life, and he’s been better since that night too. I just never put the two together.”

“What do I do?” Emma asked, even though she was sure that she wasn’t going to like the answer.

“You need to talk to him.”

(Yep, she did _not_ like that answer.)

“I know you don’t want to,” David continued, noticing Emma’s dismay at his answer. “But, it’s important. Because, Emma, I am absolutely beyond positive that he feels the same way about you. Ever since he first saw you, he had begun to act differently. He had been trying to make himself a better person since that day six months ago when I first introduced you two.”

Emma snorted. “The day I called him an overeager douche nozzle.”

David chuckled at the memory and nodded. “I did warn him to not hit on you, but you know Killian. Apparently better than I thought you did.”

Emma’s face flushed as she looked away from her brother’s stare. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before.”

David shrugged. “I understand. I may not be able to even _look_ at Killian for the next couple of weeks, but I understand.”

Emma looked back to David and smiled weakly. “Thanks for listening. And not killing me.”

“That’d be too messy,” David responded jokingly, with that smile widening on his face. “Just talk to him and it’ll all be okay, Emma.”

<> 

But Emma was still terrified of the thought of talking to Killian about her feelings toward him. So she did what she always did best: ran away from her problems. She would remain in her room any time she was in her apartment. She threw herself into her law school work and when that got to be too stressful, she’d go to the nearest campus bar and drink. She’d keep drinking until she could forget those too-blue eyes, or that pitch black hair, or the way his voice broke when she left his apartment.

She kept up with that routine for the next three weeks, avoiding Killian like the plague. David was nice enough to warn her whenever Killian would be over at the apartment, so she’d make sure that she was out at the library or with Ruby or Mary Margaret. She couldn’t tempt herself with having Killian so close to her. Emma knew that if she was even in the same vicinity of Killian, her resolution would falter and she’d end up letting her feelings take over. And she couldn’t do that. Emma was determined in letting her feelings disappear, after being buried inside her heart by the dirt of abandonment issues and fear of letting anybody close.

As she laid in her bed, staring up at the ceiling, she knew that she indeed loved Killian. At some point during the three months they had been having sex, she fell in love with him, but she wasn’t going to admit that to anybody. Especially David or Killian. No, actually literally nobody could know. If she told anybody, they’d all try to convince her to confess her love to Killian and Emma couldn’t do that. Emma couldn’t risk her heart more than she already had. If she told Killian that she loved him and Killian didn’t reciprocate, Emma would die. Her heart would be irreparably broken. _She_ would be irreparably broken, even if she was already halfway there.

“Lunch is ready, Emma,” Mary Margaret announced, tapping on Emma’s bedroom door. “Come on out.”

Emma grumbled as she pushed herself off of her bed and walked out of her bedroom, sniffing the bacon-scented air. Her stomach grumbled loudly in response to the delicious smell, reminding her that she hadn’t eaten since early last night, which was only a granola bar. Yesterday had been a particularly rough day for her since she heard a song that reminded her of Killian while at a coffee shop on campus.

God, she was acting like she was going through a breakup.

(But that’s what it felt like. Like her heart had been torn out and ripped to shreds. She broke it off to keep herself safe, to keep her _heart_ safe. But look at her now. Breaking things off just made Emma worse.)

(A voice in the back of her mind screamed at her, _you love him!_ )

(But another voice whispered, _but he would’ve just left anyways._ )

Emma put her hand over her stomach as she walked over to the kitchen table, where David had put out her BLT already on a plate. She wanted to roll her eyes (he’d been babying her for the past three weeks, ever since The Confession), but Emma was too hungry to even care in that moment. Emma began wolfing down her sandwich, ignoring the worried stares coming from David and Mary Margaret. Well, she could only ignore the stares for so long.

“What?!” Emma exclaimed with her mouth full of sandwich, whipping her head around to look at her brother and soon-to-be sister-in-law.

“We’re just worried about you, Emma. That’s all,” Mary Margaret said in that soft voice as she walked over to the chair diagonal from where Emma was seated.

Emma rolled her eyes as she slid the now empty plate away from her and relaxed in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest. “You two need to fuck off. Seriously.”

David sighed and placed his hands on his hips. “You know you’ve been in a funk, Emma. Why can’t you just talk to him about this? It’ll all turn out fine.”

Emma’s anger flared. David had _no_ idea what Emma had been through in her life, how nothing works out right and everyone ends up leaving. David was tricked into thinking that only because he got lucky in love: finding his soul mate in high school and being together ever since. He never knew pain and abandonment, other than his father dying when he was six. Everything was so simple for David, so easy and carefree. Emma knew how life was really like. And there was no way that this would all turn out fine.

(A little voice begged Emma to at least try.)

Emma shook her head in response to David. “No, it won’t. You haven’t been through what I’ve been through. You don’t know. You got lucky finding Mary Margaret in high school. Shit like that rarely happens. You’re blinded by the fact that your first love will be your only one. Life isn’t like that for everyone else.”

“But it can work out if you hope,” Mary Margaret said, politely folding her hands in her lap. “Hope is a very powerful thing.”

Emma rolled her eyes again. Mary Margaret, the ever hopeful one. It was a wonder how Emma could remain friends with someone so hopelessly optimistic, as Emma was eternally cynical.

Emma groaned as she leaned her head against the back of the chair. “Could you two just leave me be?”

David sighed. “Emma, you can’t hide from your problems. You can’t just run away from your issues.” There was a knock on the front door. “It’s time for you to confront them.”

David walked down the long hallway to the front door, where Emma couldn’t see him. She just kept her head against the back of the chair, looking up at the ceiling. She ignored Mary Margaret’s concerned staring and ignored David’s footsteps coming back from the front door, in step with another set of footsteps. But her heart started pounding when she heard that goddamn voice.

“What’s the plan for today, mate?”

No, no, _no_. She wasn’t ready for this: for confronting Killian with her feelings, for seeing him eventually walk out on her because that’s how it was with everyone.

(She wasn’t ready for the possibility of it working out.)

Emma stiffened in her chair, lifting her head from the chair to stare straight ahead. No, she couldn’t look at Killian. And at the way his footsteps stopped once he stepped into the kitchen, Emma knew that Killian couldn’t do this either. He was just as afraid of this as Emma was.

“Emma, come here,” David said from Killian’s side.

Emma shook her head. “I can’t.”

“Emma, please,” David responded quickly.

Emma gulped and stood from the chair, turning around slowly to look at her brother and his best friend (the man she’s in love with). And _God_ , Killian looked _awful_. He looked as though he hadn’t slept since the night she left, dark bags around his eyes. She wasn’t sure if it was because he was hurt by her leaving him or if it was because he wasn’t able to sleep while being horny. She hoped it was the latter, but Emma knew it was the former. She had seen the pain in his eyes when she left and she knew that Killian was hurt by her leaving.

But that didn’t stop her from being completely terrified.

“You two need to talk,” David told Killian and Emma, placing his hands on his hips again. “Mary Margaret and I are heading over to her apartment and we’re leaving you two to talk this out. Because you both clearly are miserable.”

“I’m fine, mate,” Killian responded, not at all convincing.

“I’m sorry, but that’s total horseshit,” David called him out and Emma became alarmed. David _never_ swore, no matter how angry he got. “As much as it sickens me to picture you two having sex, I have to admit that ever since this…whatever ended, you two have both been moping around. And I’m sick of it. You two talk this out _now_.”

“David-” Emma began saying, but David held up a hand to stop her from continuing.

“No. Killian brooded every time I hung out with him for the past three weeks and you hardly come out of your room anymore. It’s obvious you both have feelings or at least something to say about this. So, now is the time to say it,” David continued, then held a hand out to Mary Margaret, who took his hand graciously. “Now, Mary Margaret and I are going to her place and are going to discuss wedding plans. I probably won’t be back until tomorrow, so you two have all of that time to talk. And if neither of you talk, you will both be uninvited to the wedding. Got it?”

Emma nodded subtly. “Got it.”

Killian, ever staring at the floor, nodded. “Understood.”

David sighed. “Good. See you both tomorrow.”

The silence in the room was deafening once David and Mary Margaret left. Emma wanted to run to her bedroom and lock the door, but she knew David was serious about his threat of uninviting both Killian and her if they didn’t figure this out. And there was no way Emma was going to miss the wedding of her older brother and her best friend.

But, that wasn’t enough to give her the strength to talk to Killian about matters of the heart.

(Nothing would be that strong.)

Emma began walking toward her bedroom. She couldn’t talk to Killian about this. She couldn’t do it. Emma wasn’t strong enough to risk her heart again, just to have it broken again.

“Emma,” Killian called from his spot in the living area, finally looking up from the floor. “Emma, we need to talk about this.”

Emma stopped in her tracks and she bit on her bottom lip, already feeling tears building because _she couldn’t do this_. “Why?”

“Well, firstly, I know you wouldn’t want to miss the wedding,” Killian said, stepping toward Emma. “And secondly, you know that David was right that we’ve both been bloody miserable.”

Emma shook her head and swallowed back the lump in her throat. “It doesn’t matter. I can’t do it, Jones.”

“Why not?” Killian asked and Emma could hear the exasperation in his voice.

Emma finally turned around to face Killian and crossed her arms over her chest. She wanted to get angry at him, for making her feel things and teaching her how she could possibly see a future with him. It wasn’t fair. He didn’t get to fucking do that to her. Because Emma knew better than to trust her gut with something as trivial as love.

That’s how she had her heart broken by Neal and so many foster families that didn’t want her.

“Because I can’t. Because I don’t want to risk it. Because I already know how exactly this is gonna go and I can’t do that to myself,” Emma responded, surprising herself. Even if she had only really started feeling things for Killian during the last two weeks of the arrangement, Emma found that she couldn’t hide anything from him.

“How do you think this’ll go?” Killian asked, obviously wanting to reach out to hold Emma, but thinking better of it.

Emma sighed and tucked a stray hair behind her ear, then returning her arm to its crossed position. “Maybe it’ll work for a bit. We’ll be happy, maybe, but then one day, I’ll disappoint you. Or I’ll ruin something and you’ll leave. You’ll leave me like yesterday’s trash because that’s what everybody fucking does, alright? That’s why I can’t do this. Because if I get my heart broken again, I will _never_ be able to trust anybody or open my heart. I’ve already been broken like that and I just-I can’t have that happen again.”

Killian’s jaw clenched tightly and Emma could’ve sworn she’d seen sadness in his eyes. “Emma, I don’t know what happened to you in the past, but you have to know that I’d never do that to you. At some point during the three months, something changed. And I know you felt it too ‘cause you were the one who broke it off because you had feelings toward me.”

Emma gulped and looked at the man who held the key to her heart, who had some way wormed his way through her ten feet high concrete walls and swam across the crocodile-filled moat that surrounded her heart. “Have.”

“What?”

Emma cleared her throat and stood straight, her jade eyes unwavering from Killian’s form. “Have feelings toward you.”

Killian visibly gulped. “Emma, I didn’t want things to end between us. Ever since you were there for me when my father passed, I…I realized things had changed. I had an inkling far before then-maybe one of the first few weeks of the whole arrangement-but you choosing to stay with me to help me, I just knew that I had feelings for you. I didn’t realize how deep they ran until you left. And it bloody terrified me because I’ve been where you are. I’ve been heartbroken and left behind and I _know_ how you feel. So, believe me when I say that I would _never_ leave you behind.”

Emma’s heart froze. Blood was pounding in her ears and she felt as though she was going to faint. But, Emma knew that if she fell, he would be there to catch her. Both literally and figuratively. And _God_ that changed a lot of things for her. Emma realized she wouldn’t be alone in this. Killian was equally scared, but he was willing to try this, Emma was sure of it.

(A voice murmured not to trust him.)

(The other cheered to give him a chance.)

“I’m still scared,” Emma whispered, her voice hoarse with tears that have yet to be shed.

Killian stepped forward again, only three feet from Emma. Emma could see his bloodshot eyes, as if he was holding back tears. “I know. But, Emma Swan, I will treasure you. I will cherish you like the gift you are. Not only because David would quite literally kill me if I broke your heart”-Emma laughed and Killian smiled at the delightful sound-“but _I_ would never forgive myself if I broke your heart. And you _so_ deserve to be loved and cared for, Emma. Please, let me have the honor of being by your side. Or at least be your date to the wedding so we don’t have to deal with the pain of finding dates.”

Emma laughed again and a tear trailed down her cheek. Not because of her fear, but because she was _happy_. Happy that life was finally working in her favor and helping her along, instead of kicking her while she was down. Killian lifted a hand and wiped away the stray tear, smiling weakly at Emma.

“Did you mean everything you said?” Emma asked, her heart _pounding_ in her chest and her breathing heavy.

Killian nodded. “Aye.”

Emma bit on her bottom lip. “I just-I can’t lose you. So, _please_ , tell me the truth.”

Killian placed both of his hands on Emma’s face, holding her like the treasure he promised she was. “Emma Swan, have I ever told you a lie?”

Emma gulped and shook her head in Killian’s hands. Killian inched forward, their toes now brushing. “I’m not going to give up on you. I couldn’t do that to you.”

Emma sighed in relief and wrapped her fingers under Killian’s jacket, around his thin white t-shirt. “I’m so sorry I ran, Killian.”

Emma noticed the sudden intake of breath from Killian, not completely used to Emma calling him by his first name. Killian rested his forehead again Emma’s and Emma loved the way their breath mingled together. “Don’t apologize, my love. Because I will always come back to you.”

And Emma couldn’t take the talking anymore. She needed to _act_.

So she kissed him, stroking her tongue along Killian’s bottom lip and her heart swelling because _God_ she missed _this_. Killian responded immediately by sweeping his tongue against Emma’s bottom lip and nipping at her lips, eliciting a loud moan from Emma, which she would’ve been embarrassed about if she wasn’t already so swept up in the feeling of Killian being against her again.

Emma’s hands found their way down Killian’s back, creeping down to grab his ass. She honestly didn’t realize what she was doing until Killian pulled away a simple centimeter and chuckled.

“Impatient, are we, Swan?” Killian teased, that stupid grin on his face, the same grin Emma fell in love with.

Emma chuckled in response, squeezing Killian’s ass again to drive home her point. “Fuck patience.”

And well, _did they fuck patience_.

<> 

“What if they didn’t work it out?” David asked for the fiftieth time as he walked with his beautiful fiancée to his front door, grabbing his keys from his back pocket.

“Then we’ll figure something out,” Mary Margaret responded, rubbing her thumb against David’s hand. “But I’m sure they’ve talked it out. We both know that they’re in love with each other. Love always finds a way.”

“And you know they totally fucked last night,” Ruby added on, leaning against the wall beside the door. “I _bet_ you they fucked last night. Probably all night. Like, at least ten times-”

“Ruby!” David nearly shouted, almost having an aneurysm because he was _not_ about to reimagine his little sister and best friend having sex again. He couldn’t get that image out of his mind for nearly a week after Emma told him about their arrangement. “For the love of God, _stop_.”

Ruby held her hands up in defense. “So-o-o-ory.”

Mary Margaret leaned over to her best friend and whispered, “I’ll bet you twenty for his sake.”

Ruby chuckled and smiled a wolfish grin. “You’re on.”

David huffed as he swung the door open and marched into the apartment, dragging Mary Margaret along behind him. Ruby sauntered in behind the couple, shutting the door behind her loudly, which must’ve alarmed the newly formed couple as they came stumbling out of Emma’s bedroom. Emma was wrapped in a bed sheet and Killian was only wearing his jeans. Ruby snorted as David’s face turned a bright red and Mary Margaret reached into her purse.

Mary Margaret handed Ruby a twenty dollar bill.

“Told you,” Ruby told David.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, a reviewer on fanfiction.net suggested an epilogue and, well, I couldn't get this idea out of my head. This is the final chapter and I hope you enjoy :)

“No more shots for you,” Killian told David, who just tossed back another shot of tequila and he was not at all envious of the hangover David would surely have the next morning.

David hiccupped and Emma froze for a moment, afraid for the incoming vomit in the middle of the crowded bar.  But it never came as David smile drunkenly at his best friend. “Oh come on, Killy. It’s my twenty-seventh birthday. Let loose.”

Killian rolled his eyes as he put down his glass full of rum on the sticky table. “Don’t call me ‘Killy.’”

Emma spoke up as she rolled her eyes at the two of them, searching over the tall heads at the bar for Mary Margaret’s petite frame. “I don’t think Mary Margaret is gonna want to take care of her drunk husband while he pukes all over the kitchen.”

“That happened one time,” David slurred, hiccupping again. He nearly toppled over in his chair, but Killian placed his hand on David’s back quickly enough for him to recover. “I’m fine. I’m fine.”

Killian looked over at Emma with the most exasperated stare that Emma couldn’t help but chuckle at. “We need to get him a cab.”

“Mary Margaret will be back soon. She’ll take care of him,” Emma responded to her boyfriend of two years.

(Yes, _boyfriend_.)

And just like that, Mary Margaret popped out between two staggeringly tall men, sliding back into her chair with an annoyed sigh. “I hate going to the bathroom at a crowded bar. For a second, I thought I walked into the guys’ restroom from all of the urine on the floor.”

Emma and Killian snorted and cackled as Mary Margaret stroked her husband’s arm. “Are you ready to head out, honey?”

David smiled at his wife and pressed a kiss to her lips, to which both Killian and Emma made over-exaggerated gagging noises. “Of course.”

Mary Margaret stood from her chair and helped David out of his, sliding his light jacket over his arms. David hooked his arm over Mary Margaret’s shoulder and pressed his lips to the top of her head. “I love you. So much.”

Mary Margaret looked up at David with that smile that she’s always had when it came to David. “I love you too. Now, let’s get home. My pregnant self shouldn’t be out this late.”

Mary Margaret stroked her barely-there bump as she smiled at Killian and Emma. “See you guys tomorrow for breakfast?” David groaned, holding his stomach, and Mary Margaret sighed. “Make that lunch.”

Emma smiled at her sister-in-law. “See ya.”

(Emma didn’t notice the subtle wink Mary Margaret gave to Killian.)

(Or how Killian’s hands started shaking.)

Emma’s heart swelled as she watched Mary Margaret help David out of the bar. It made her happy that her brother had found someone so completely perfect for him. And she sighed when she realized that she finally had someone like that for her, even after everything she had been through and believed.

“Ready to go?” Killian asked with that smirk across his face.

Emma nodded with a smile. “Yeah, let’s go.”

Killian helped Emma out of her chair with him taking her hand and lacing their fingers. Even after dating for two years, her heart pounded at every small touch or whispered declaration of love. Every single day, Killian would do something for her (or to her, if you catch her drift) that made her unable to believe that she had gotten so lucky. Emma hated that she had first pushed him away, so afraid of letting him in and having her heartbroken again, but just as David had said, everything had worked out.

Everything worked out _perfectly_ and Emma had to question herself why she was so afraid in the first place.

Their hands remained weaved together as Killian led Emma out of the bar into the brisk spring night-well, early morning. They walked down the street, shoulders bumping into each other as Killian’s thumb stroked the back of Emma’s hand. She sighed contently, looking at the city lights and feeling the light wind whipping across her face. She pushed back her long, loose hair as Killian tugged her across the street. Emma looked up and saw the familiar sign of the diner as Killian and her walked closer and closer to it.

“Let’s grab a cup of coffee, yeah?” Killian asked, raising an eyebrow at Emma.

Emma nodded a moment later and Killian smiled, tugging her along quickly enough for them to start running down the empty sidewalk. Emma laughed into the deserted streets and her heart was just so full of life and love and Emma never wanted this night to end. Just before they reached the entrance to the diner, Killian pulled Emma toward him and pressed a tender kiss to her lips, a promise of what will surely come when they get back to _their_ apartment.

“What?” Emma asked when Killian pulled away with that wide smile, giggling at those deep blue eyes, so full of love and want.

“Bloody delightful sound, your laugh is,” Killian said as he took her hand again, tightly in his.

Emma felt a blush creep onto her cheeks ( _God_ it’s been nearly two years of dating and she still acts like a teenager around him) and she followed Killian into the diner, the bell above the door chiming and alerting the woman behind the diner’s bar to the new customers.

“A hot chocolate with cinnamon for the lady, and a black coffee for me,” Killian said to the waitress as he and Emma sat at the candy red barstools. “You know, I haven’t been here since that night.”

Emma’s face reddened. “I come here a lot for lunch with Mary Margaret and Ruby. I guess they don’t recognize me since it’s during the day and I don’t have you hanging off of my face.”

Killian chuckled, shrugging off his leather jacket and draping it over the barstool beside him. “If I remember that night correctly, _you_ are the one who initiated things, love.” Emma’s blush deepened and Killian stroked her cheek with the back of his fingers as the waitress returned with their drinks. “But, I wanted to come back here because this is where it all began.”

“Our anniversary isn’t for over three and a half months-”

“No, I’m talking about _that_ night,” Killian responded with that smile as he ripped open a sugar packet and poured it into his coffee. “It happened exactly two years ago tonight. If it didn’t happen, then there’s no doubt in my mind that we’d still be bickering at each other now.”

Emma chuckled and sipped slowly on her hot chocolate (which the waitress had surprisingly remember to put in the cinnamon.) “We still bicker, Killian.”

“You know what I mean, Emma,” Killian replied, his tone serious and Emma wondered what was going on. “If the arrangement never happened, we more than likely would’ve never started dating. And even though the arrangement put us through a lot of pain”-Emma looked down to her folded hands in her lap-“we’re here now, dating for almost two years, because of it.”

Emma didn’t like thinking about the arrangement. Sure, some of the sex caused by the arrangement was some of the best of her entire life, but Emma didn’t like thinking about the pain she had caused by breaking things off with Killian. She still relived those awful three weeks in her dreams and memories and there wasn’t a day that went by that Emma wanted to go back in time and fix how she reacted that day.

“Hey,” Killian said, placing his hand under Emma’s chin and lifting her head to meet his eyes again. “Don’t feel bad about what happened, alright? It helped me realize things and I know it helped you figure things out, too.”

“But I hurt you, Killian. I-”

“Emma, there’s something I haven’t told you, but I’m gonna say it now,” Killian interrupted her, placing his hand firmly against her cheek as he stroked her face with his thumb. “Emma, I’ve been in love with you ever since the day you walked out.”

Emma gulped and _holy hell she was not prepared to hear this_.

“I knew that I cared for you, but when you left, I knew that my feelings ran much deeper than what I had originally thought,” Killian continued, his smile lifting slightly.

“Why didn’t you tell me when we worked things out?” Emma asked, gulping back the knot in her throat.

“Because I knew that it would’ve bloody terrified you,” Killian said truthfully and Emma had to agree. She would’ve in no way been prepared for that. “But it was that day that I realized that I was head-over-heels in love with you and that I would do anything to make you happy. I promised myself the day that we got back together that with this second chance, I would love you with my entire heart-my entire _being_.”

“Why are you saying all of this, Killian?” Emma asked, fear taking ahold of her heart. _Oh God, what if this is his breaking-up speech_?

Emma noticed Killian’s Adam’s Apple bob up and down with a large gulp. His hand disappeared from the bar, into his leather jacket pocket on the opposite stool. He let out a long breath, seemingly trying to calm his nerves. His hand dropped from Emma’s face as he turned back to her, his knees knocking hers, as Killian held a black, velvety box.

_Ohmygod_.

Killian opened the box and rested it on the bar, revealing a _stunning_ white-gold diamond ring. God, his hands were shaking with nerves as tears pricked behind Emma’s eyes, looking back to her boyfriend.

“I’ve been wanting to do this for a few weeks now, but tonight just felt right,” Killian said, itching that spot behind his ear in that stupidly endearing way. “I wanted it to be a surprise, so-”

Emma cut off whatever Killian was going to say by pressing her lips against his insistently. Emma gripped the hair at the nape of his neck and allowed her tears to escape onto her cheeks. Killian lifted a hand to stroke back her hair as it fell over her shoulder, and then thumbed at the dent in her chin. Emma pulled away and sniffled, keeping her eyes closed to just _stay_ in the moment.

“Yes. Yes, yes, yes,” Emma repeated over and over again as she smiled and giggled and _she couldn’t believe she had this_.

Killian laughed, such a happy and joyous sound that Emma could never hear enough, and plucked the ring from the box, sliding it onto Emma’s left ring finger, where it would forever remain.

“Before I was so rudely interrupted,” Killian continued as he stroked Emma’s cheek again, “I was going to say that since I wanted this to be a surprise, Mary Margaret helped me pick out this ring.”

“I’m surprised she could keep it a secret,” Emma said, her voice shaking because she couldn’t believe this was happening. She looked back up at her now-fiancé and smiled so wide that it hurt her cheeks. “God, I love you.”

“I love you, too, my love,” Killian whispered back, his eyes crinkling with his wide smile. “And I always will.”

**A/N: in case you're wondering,[this ](http://www.whiteflash.com/engagement-rings/three-stone/verragio-braided-3-stone-engagement-ring-1995.htm)is the ring I was imagining for Emma (because this is my perfect ring)**


End file.
